Discussion About Kids Pillows

'Well, dear, if we did start a family, we could have tech support in 10 years.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Wildlife

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Santa Claus's Mail

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"And this is our media room."

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"That'll be five bucks."

SALE

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."