Disconnection Advocate Gifts

"Please hold my calls."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

"Behold, Penny. The 'Wi-Fi dead zone.'"

"We need to complain to Earth's tech leaders about going wireless."

"You say you know at last where you made the wrong turn in your life. You never told me you made a wrong turn in your life."

"Mom, can we get a pet so I can use its name in answering a password security question?"

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

"You're not distancing."

'I'm self isolating, you idiot!'

'I told you that nobody would show up.'

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

"Not so much fun being people-watched back, eh?"

"The end is near." "Ya think?"

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

"What do you mean 'Get her to stop'?...Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her tell her 'I hear you'...and grow a thicker skin! Baby tears aren't little grenades, loser!"

'You need to be more accessible to your employees... so you'll need to get rid of the moat.'

May I propose a political theory? Not now, dear. I shouldn't even have to ask you Snookums. If I've got a theory about the world, I should just be able to say it. That's part of being in a relationship. I should be able to talk and know that you're going to listen to me. I'm still pontificating! Come back here!!!

The Off-line Store

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet... where the hell am I??"

"Perhaps, in the name of mutual respect, you could call your husband something other than your minion."

“So much for Google Maps.”

"Is there something you'd like to talk about, Gerald?"

New Normal People

Christmas during a pandemic.

Social Networking or Death

The only guy left who's not online.

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media