Discomfort Disruptor Gifts

"Do you think one of you geniuses could come up with a comfortable bar stool?"

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Move, Gary."

"I can really picture settling down and destroying a suburban family's attic with you."

Broken since March

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

What If?

"You must be the new guy!"

"Pawn to King Four."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 'How did my life get this dull?'

'I think he's saying he wants a hug.'

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

"Look! It came pre-defaced by the artist."

Spoonfest

'They tried to GAG her but they can NEVER stop her 'dance of neglect on the ward'!'

A man exits his house to a clapboard.

"How about one-ish? I love the way it sounds."

'Conquer the known world and, er...that's it.'

A dictator makes a speech, about to be doused with water.

Occupy crunch

'Miss Jones, those pants have got to go. I can't have my secretary looking like a boy.'

An angry engineer getting out of a train that has had to stop because a woman has taken some railroad ties out to build a flower garden in the middle of the tracks.

"That's the first time he's ever done anything spontaneous!"

TV Kill

do you like democrats of republicans? is that the only choice?

Radio phone-in: 'Hello, how are you' time wasters.

"Why don't you go back to your house for dessert and coffee?"

'Would you mind jumping in further down please?'

'We'd like to share a haircut.'