Discipline Philosopher Pillows

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Good game."

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

Thinking Gears

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'