Discipline Enthusiast Pillows

"You're not allowed to plead guilty by reason of peer pressure."

Teacher has swear box on his desk. Pupil says: 'Excuse me, Sir, but none of us has any money left to buy lunch.'

"After all the effort we went through to get you a piano, you'd better practice every day!"

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

Supernanny telling a child 'No'. Parents - 'Wow! What an amazing supernanny!'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

You're being extradited to your parents.

I will not waste chalk kid...

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

'You sure she's gonna be okay subbing in there? It's a tough class.'

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

'You'll find we have a language barrier here - no profanity is allowed.'

Principal Polly Graf always gets to the truth.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

You've had experience with terrorism, so we're letting you teach the grade 3s.

'You can have pocket money when you've learnt about keeping your hands in your pocket.'

"Watch out, it's the Head..."

'This is called detention.. it is not a hostage situation.'

"Boeing! - in my office, now!"

'Is he good or what?!'

A boy being made to stand in the corner

Britain's Strictest Headmistress

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

A day at the transgenic races