Discipline Debater Gifts

"Father would be much happier if you wouldn't."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

"You wouldn't smack the new underclass would you nanny?"

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

Verbal Orders

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

"My children are so out of control!! I don't know what to do!"

Dialogue

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"Now that's a win."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Changing Minds

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"I don't think Dawson understands the concept behind the 'Talking Stick.'"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

Oz Debating Society. You can't refute everything I say just by call it a "straw man" argument.

"On the contrary, Bosworth, it's YOU who has lost all perspective."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

Debating Society. I can accept that money is speech as long as we can agree that some spending is like yelling fire in a theater.

Frankly, it’s too grim for a comedy, and too silly for a tragedy.

Like Minded

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

'This firm is committed to diversity -- I have yes-men, si-men, ja-men, oui-men, da-men, hai-men....'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Is there a God? God knows...'