Discerning Pet Gifts

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Barks in code.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"Another slander suit!"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"Now how did she know?"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'What makes you say the medication I prescribed for Fido is causing side effects?' 'Meow.'

'That's the one that attacked me, officer! The one with the stupid look on his face!'

"What happened to what cat?"

No, I seriously doubt a DNA test would exonerate you.

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

Dog excited watching a new tree being planted

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

Wanted dog! reward!

Fish Food

Cookie Thief

"Heyyy! Where the hell did you learn that trick?"