Discerning Customer T-Shirts

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"More?"

Expensive greeting cards.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

'Just too many choices.'

Call Center.

Waiter, what's this photograph of Jeff Goldblum doing in my soup? He starred in the remake of "The Fly." Personally, I prefer Al (David) Hedison in the original.

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

'I don't get it...Our business model was exactly the same.'

"So, what makes you think I'm a therapist?"

Ring Bell for Service.

"I want to be cured of some very destructive buying habits."

"You forgot the straw."

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"I'll have what she's having when she decides what she's having."

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.

"The most moral consumer - Didn't shop at Walmart - Didn't order things on Amazon unless it was, like, an emergency - Tried to be vegan - Always had an extra canvas bag in her car (which was a hybrid, by the way)"

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."