Disappointment Expert Pillows

"It's axiomatic that any line in which I'm interested will be discontinued"

Squeezing the Free Press.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Surprise!"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

"Instead of playing with that boring ball you got me, I updated your computer's operating system, I cleaned your keyboard and ran an antivirus scan."

"I guess one of the bunnies was a boy after all!"

'What it all means is, ker-booom!'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'A kissogram for the boss? It must be a mistake.'

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

"Woof"

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

"Appointments. Disappointments."

Surprise Party

'And tomorrow we will be having a surprise test.'

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

'A sea view would be nice-Black Sea for him,Red Sea for me!'

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

'Well, on the bright side, we DID manage to keep it a surprise.'

It's the little surprises that keep a marriage exciting...

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

'It's a surprise present for my husband - He's expecting golf clubs!'

Happy Birthday MUM!