Dirty Joke Aficionado Pillows

"I told you to use a condom."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Why do they do that?"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

What's normal?

Another day at work would be one too many...

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"The Eggsorcist"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Eat me"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

Higher wisdom...

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"Amateurs."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7