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The fate of the emigrant

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"I am not asking for directions."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

One way only.

Can I have a look at the map?

Just a Smidgen West of the Middle of Nowhere.

Cowboy directions 'Up yonder', 'Down yonder', 'This-A-Way' and 'That-A-Way'.

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'No! we're not lost! And I don't mind asking directions! I'll ask the next guy that walks pass!'

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

I will not waste chalk kid...

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

Right way

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

Scarecrow Directions

'Typical male: Too proud to ask for directions or take advice! Look at us now!'

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

'Does this book come with director commentary.'

'I think we took a wrong turn at Sodom or Gomoorah.'

"Yoga World is two blocks past Yoga Palace. If you see Yoga Mecca, you've gone too far."

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

"After all the effort we went through to get you a piano, you'd better practice every day!"

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

That GPS was a real bargain!

Tourists

"Ar well, if I was 'ee I wouldn't start from 'ere."