Dinner Dilettante T-Shirts

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'House wine?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Macho Vegetarian

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

The Salvador Deli

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

Pie.,

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"