Dinner Dilettante Mugs

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'House wine?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Macho Vegetarian

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

The Salvador Deli

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

Pie.,

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"