Dining With A Twist Of Analysis T-Shirts

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

"Waiter, there's a man bun in my soup."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

Casino. All you can eat buffet. Now here's a game where I can beat the house!

'Shark fin's soup madam.'

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"There, dammit. Is that enough pepper for you??"

'I'd recommend the 'businessman's special', it's down 3/8's today...'

"..and I'll have the rocket salad"

Good grief! What did we order?!

'Can you send this back to the kitchen. It's cold.'

'There's a fifteen minute wait for people we like, and a forty five minute wait for people like you.'

"Do you have a lean cuisine, waiter?"

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

'Here's the game plan...go tell the cook he fumbled on the catch of the day.'