Dining Out With Family Pillows

"Don't yell in the restaurant. Use your texting voice."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

"You do like octopus?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Chez Nous Menu

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"Rump roast?"

Today's special... donuts.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.