Dining Out Funny Prints

'The house wine sir.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Lunch Broker

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'What's the special?'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'

"Would you like finicky or non-finicky?"

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

The last word in Alphabet Soup.

'You call this slop'

"Is the rabbit cute?"

A man ordering Haricot Mutton in a restaurant

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'

'I'm sorry, sir. You've had enough.'