Dining Out Dilemma Solver T-Shirts

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Bad for you but to die for

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I know you hate being told what to do, but it's the GPS. That's its job."

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

Innovate - man boobs and gut bra.

"Dieting galls my bladder!"

"He'll have the meat loaf"

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."

He knew one sure way to get a table without a reservation.

"So, order in or go out?"

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

"Every time you want to eat a waiter, you can't find one."

'And I suppose you're going to blame this on the inverted yield curve, too!'

"Armed or unarmed?"

"I couldn't decide what to cook for dinner, so I didn't cook anything."

"Should I buy larger exercise clothes? Or just start exercising?"

'Which came first, the 'Chicken-chow-mein' or the 'egg foo yung'?'

"I'm not eating breakfast this morning, because I had my diet drink this morning. And I had a breakfast late last night anyway. I think I'll have an early lunch."