Dining Etiquette Jokes Gifts

"Can I order off the menu?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"The last doggy bag."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"What a slobster."

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

The Last Dinner

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

'The house wine sir.'

'What's the special?'