Dining Etiquette Jokes Gifts

"Can I order off the menu?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"The last doggy bag."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"What a slobster."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

The Last Dinner

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

I'll have a hamburger.

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

'The house wine sir.'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"