Dining Etiquette Aficionado T-Shirts

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

Must you smack your lips?

'Smocking or non-smocking?'

'Arrest that man, officer. His clothes simply reek of cigarette smoke.'

"What a slobster."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"The last doggy bag."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"They don't allow cell phones."

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"