Dining Manners Aficionado T-Shirts

'It was a complete surprise when the table-setting police arrived. I had no idea I was doing it wrong.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"The last doggy bag."

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"What a slobster."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Grace and polish, all bundled up together in one man?"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

'Smoking section, please.'

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"You're the only one in here who had to ask for a knife and fork."

Must you smack your lips?

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

"Can't you crunch bones with your mouth closed?"

Mind your manners and use a rounded tip knife instead.