Dining Etiquette Expert T-Shirts

"OK, now the chef suggests you eat faster."

"Chef's special..?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"The last doggy bag."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"They don't allow cell phones."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"What a slobster."

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Smoking section, please.'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."