Dining Etiquette Experts T-Shirts

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"The last doggy bag."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"What a slobster."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"They don't allow cell phones."

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

The Last Dinner

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Smoking section, please.'

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'It's ‘Enjoy your meal, SIR,' not ‘Get that down yer neck, Cock'!'