Dining Duo T-Shirts

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"I'm not all that hungry either. What do you say we split an ant hill?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

Salt and Pepper

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

"More croutons, sir?"

'Norbert, he's playing our ring tone.'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Wine and Cheese

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"