Diner Dialoguers T-Shirts

'This salad in yesterday's.' 'What's wrong with yesterday?.'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Oh, c'mon! Who eats aardvark with a fork?"

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"You ordered mammoth again?"

Chick in noodle soup.

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Alexis Tsipras meets Francois Hollande

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Forget about National Security for a second... if I'm not home in an hour for dinner, there's going to be some REAL FIREWORKS!'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

"Do you two need a little more time?"

"Because of the war can we split this?"