Digital Work Culture Pillows

"Is this your first time being fired in 3-D?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Bo're'droom

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"I hate performance review season."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'