Digital Work Culture Pillows

"Is this your first time being fired in 3-D?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."