Digital Scientist Gifts

'This is Richard, he's been the victim of identity theft.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Welcome to the future"

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

The Googler

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"Just one more site!" "I'm totally, like, in control!" "I can quit anytime I feel like it..."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Artifishial Intelligence

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"What did you download at school today?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Baby Screen Time

Big Data Tonight

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

The Evolution Of Man.

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

As he tore open his gifts, Dell kept hoping that the weather balloon kit he craved was somewhere among them.