Digital Maverick Pillows

"I used to hate spam until I figured out how to make $78,000,000 sending it."

"I think I'll head back to the house for a little Net-sex and a nap."

Cellphone Islands

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Guitar Man.

Grandma's caf

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

Popera!

'Clem,the doctor told you to get away and relax.'

'Have you any W fronts?'

"Wi-fi....Wi-fi...WI....FI!...."

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

Hacksaw Violin.

Santa Metal Claus

'No you idiot! You're supposed to smash your guitar AFTER the show! What are you going to play now?'

"I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology."

'He's determined to not pay for The Times online.'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

Caveman at Computer

No, I don't have roaming service, I am the roaming service.

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

"who knows, Perkins maybe one day in the far future we'll be bullying each other in addictive artificial environments..."

'You CAN Pass The Turing Test!'

Desert Island with CCTV.

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

You know that symphony I wrote in GarageBand? It drops next week. You're invited. Symphonies don't "drop," little buddy. Rock albums "drop." R&B "drops." Symphonies "debut." And they usually debut in concert halls, with live musicians. Where's your symphony debuting? Anybody-can-upload-anything-for-people-to-download.com. I wonder if I can get my tux pressed in time.

"I'm working on a watercolor."

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."