Digital Etiquette Master Gifts

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'It's a new idea - a cell phone booth, where people can talk privately without disturbing others.'

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

"So what do we do when we can't say anything nice about someone?"

'Will that be the constantly looking down at smart phones section or family that talks to each other section?'

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"

"He just called without texting first. How can he be 23 and still not know how a phone works?"

A recent study found frequent use of cell phones can present a serious health risk to the incredibly inconsiderate.

Mobile Bans

Queen at computer screen searching friends re: you knighted site.'

"Stop interrupting! I'm trying to have a conversation with someone."

Cat informs owner someone unfollowed her on social media.

'Just tell them to hashtag f*** off.'

'GBY.' Text speak for 'God bless you.'

The need to be careful on social media.