Digital Etiquette Aficionado Gifts

"He just called without texting first. How can he be 23 and still not know how a phone works?"

Cat informs owner someone unfollowed her on social media.

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

A guest departing a party.

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

'On The Face Of It.'

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

"So what do we do when we can't say anything nice about someone?"

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

'Will that be the constantly looking down at smart phones section or family that talks to each other section?'

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."