Digital Dining Diva T-Shirts

Waiter holding a smartphone: 'Would you like it Instagrammed?'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

The Modern Novel.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Downloading Pregnancy

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.