Digital Anxiety Warrior Gifts

"I wonder what I've got to be afraid of today...??"

"My email is down... talk to me."

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'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Fight or Flight

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

That party went well.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Graduates on their phones

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Flu vaccine.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"I'd like to be a shake-it-off kind of person, but I'm more of a cling-to-it-and-focus-on-it-until-it's-irrevocably-weaved-into-my-psyche sort of gal."

Internet Cafe.

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

'You have a fauxbia.'

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'You're not paranoid, due to terrorism, feeling anxious all the time is the 'new normal'.'

'Please pay attention. Pretend I'm a movie on your phone.'

"I need a more interactive you."

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

Bring your problems to work day.

'No we don't have any fly vaccine yet - how about something for anxiety. . . we have plenty of that.'

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

Being-convinced your plants always know what you're thinking phobia.

'Hello Doctor. I'm Ed Shannon and these are my neuroses.'