Digital Age Navigator Pillows

"Are you feeling O.K.? You haven't touched your phone."

'Data, data everywhere!'

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

"My sister inherited the grand piano, my brother got the grandfather clock and I inherited her rare collection of ebooks."

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

State of the art computing purchases become obsolete in the time it takes to purchase it.

"Hey, Bill. When you're done with that terror threat, can you help me decipher my kid's text message?"

'I used to be considered a cog in their wheel but now I'm thought of as a glitch in their computer software.'

'Don't you just long for a case of good old sexual transgression rather than inappropriate blogs,tweets and chats ?'

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"He's googling at an 8th grade level."

"I honestly don't think I can go for six whole hours without checking my phone."

"I thought I had it made with the Go Ask Your Mother app until she installed the Go Ask Your Father app."

"Welcome to Facebook."

"The GPS is extorting money off me. It won't give me directions until I put money in its account."

"You give your kid an allownace, plus a tech support fee? And I thought I was the only one."

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"Oh, no one eats homework anymore. We just gnaw on the computer cord and bring down the internet."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Economic Forecast

'What's an encyclopedia?'

'Maybe next year Santa will bring you the software.'

'400 channels and the only thing good on TV is my drink.'

"You’ve been outbid for the vintage catnip — what do you want me to do?"

You'll require a better credit rating before we we can raise the limit on your card.

Santa Goes Digital

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

"I'd say my greatest personal achievement would be 93 Likes."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

Close Encounters of the Digital Kind

Weird things I do because of the internet

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"