Digital Age Irony Enthusiast Gifts

'When the computer senses that you are in a hurry, it automatically slows down.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"He was much more effective in the field."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

Looks like another hostile takeover...

"And, little by little, over the next ten minutes, he was able to dig his way to freedom."

Published but unread poet.

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."