Dieting Philosopher T-Shirts

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

Anorexic flora.

"Still fat."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

View to the Future

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Critisize your weight.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Guy in gym

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"First you make a roux."

The Politics of Food.

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"When did everybody stop jogging?"