Dieting Dilemma Fan Pillows

"By 'take more exercise' I didn't mean 'walking to the takeaway'!"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Excellent napkin.'

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

Advent fridge

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

"Our menu is divided into three sections... low carb, low sodium and WTF!"

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

'I went off my diet... it was a piece of cake.'

"I shouldn't, but I'm going to have the garbage."

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'