Diet Dilemma Pillows

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"I'm retaining doughnuts."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

Fast food trap.

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

"Does skipping breakfast count as both exercise and dieting?"

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

Innovate - man boobs and gut bra.

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

'She has been suicidal all day doctor since she read about the fatal effect of too much sugar.'

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

"Dieting galls my bladder!"

"Our menu is divided into three sections... low carb, low sodium and WTF!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

Things you'll never hear me say.