Dieting Debunker Gifts

The Problem

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

Complex Carbs

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"Is it working?"

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'