Dieting Debunker Gifts

The Problem

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Weight Gain Denial

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

Complex Carbs

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

My budgie likes Mars bars.