Diet Witticist T-Shirts

For years I believed I was on a military diet. Now I find out that Colonel Sanders wasn't actually a military man. !

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Two vegans, please."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'The customer is always right...'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

Lite Beer.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"