Diet Struggle Humor Gifts

'I've been eating too much. I ran out of sandwich bags and had to use garbage bags.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Weight Gain Denial

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Is it working?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'