Diet Struggle Humor Gifts

'I've been eating too much. I ran out of sandwich bags and had to use garbage bags.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Is it working?"

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'