Diet Reminder Pillows

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Your computer has every alert, alarm and reminder possible...enough with the sticky notes!!!

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"Guess the weight you used to be"

'Only one phone call so far, your wife says you forgot to kiss her goodbye when you left the house.'

Thin and thick

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'This beeper goes off when it's my Birthday. This beeper goes off on the day we met. This beeper goes off on Valentine's Day...'

"Oh, oh...I detect traces of tree nuts...where's my epipen?"

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

How I lost 200 kilos of friends in just 3 months!

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

"Now, now sir, you know I can't give you the injection in your 'prosthetic' arm!"

"It's beautiful days like this that remind me how much I don't want to get a colonoscopy."

Must... Remember...

'Well, since you're so picky: Why don't you choose the restaurant'

"No idea if it's gluten free, Hansel. Can't you just eat the stupid thing?"

"Have a banana."

A Prisoner of Food.