Diet Reformer Pillows

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Any time is cake o'clock

All Natural Nothing

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I'm a monster."

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"The doctor said I need more calcium, so I'm switching from dark to milk chocolate."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'