Diet Juggler T-Shirts

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

From January 1 I live off stored fat.

'Does it come with fries'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

To do before Saturday...

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

The Inexperienced Cook

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I love when you make asparagus soup!"

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Funky Chef 1

'It looks like you need to eat a more balanced diet!'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

Healthy Eating Fast

"That's what I like about you, Abrams, you don't let a little illness keep you off the job."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

Overweight Man Crashes Through Ceiling

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

"I'm off early, hoping to spend a quiet evening with the kids."

All Snack Foods 1/2 Off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty! (Published originally on Feb. 6 2015).

"The air I breathe is filthy..."

Candies and diet pills