Food Juggler T-Shirts

'It looks like you need to eat a more balanced diet!'

"The chef's speciality, sir? Well, he's a dab hand at juggling with meat balls and as for fish fingers..."

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Work/Life Balance

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Balancing two espresso martinis

To do before Saturday...

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

The Inexperienced Cook

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Balanced Diet"

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who?

I avoided the layoff, but they transferred me to the high-wire act. At least it's steady work.

Why do you want a career in the bank?