Diet Dilemma Survivor T-Shirts

"Our menu is divided into three sections... low carb, low sodium and WTF!"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"I'm retaining doughnuts."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'Excellent napkin.'

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

"A minute on the lips"

Healthy Eating Fast

Fast food trap.

"Does skipping breakfast count as both exercise and dieting?"

'Inside of me a thin person is struggling to get out. I find that person can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cream cheese cake.'

'You were right, doc. Blood is thicker than water.'

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

All Snack Foods 1/2 Off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty! (Published originally on Feb. 6 2015).

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'