Diener T-Shirts

"Oops, Sorry – this is the sock & underwear drawer."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

Big Boy Foot

'You made me jump,'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

Chicken Coupe.

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

Crystal Ball Plug

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'All right, I agree with you.'

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'