Diamond Defender Pillows

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

'You don't have your stuff today, Philip. I'm taking you out ... Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

No Soliciting

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Science Snobs

Wall Street lights the American Dream on fire while citizens try to burn Wall Street.

Due To High Winds Crawling Is Banned Today

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"This is what happens when we don't practice social distancing."

'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'

You're in luck - The 5-second rule is not legally binding. Donuts.

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

Save the Cacti.

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, the menu clearly says 'Death by Chocolate'."

Mum ices cake with 'hands off'.

Droplet with a pencil.

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

Castle Cat Flap

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

Revenge of the Mallards.

Ginger Breadman

'...I still the the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top!'