Devilry Enthusiast Gifts

'It's been difficult, but I think I've finally accepted the fact that, try as I might, I just can't make EVERYONE miserable!'

...To tell the truth, I find them quite becoming.

Scarpia from Tosca

"Any references?"

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

Going Down?

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Aha Mr. Bond - you are in my power!....but instead of just killing you, I'll blether on and on about my plans for world domination so you have time to think of an ingenious way to escape my clutches..."

More Pardons

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

'Dang, it looks like they have found out about my plan to take over the world...'

Devilled Eggs

Middle-Aged Man Celebrates Birthday Riding Escalator Without Holding Handrail!

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"First whack at sword swallowing?"

Hire Wire Act

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

Concerned about getting his expectant wife to the hospital on time, Gary hired a stunt driver for the 'big day'.

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

Caped Character

Advantages of being bald # 3 - Evil villain movie parts.

"Be right with you. I need to take this real quick."

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

At the retirement home for daredevils.

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

"It's talk like a pirate day."

'What are these for? You only bring me flowers when you've done something good.'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

Ok, who told him to stick his tongue on the iceberg?

"Well Mr Blofeld, it's gonna be a tricky job - especially the 100 metre, piranha-infested water tank..."

'I'm sorry to say that one among you is not pulling his weight... I don't think it's necessary to name names.'