Devil's Advocates Gifts

"But I thought once the I.R.S. applied a penalty, that was the end of it."

"It's amazing how some people manage to make all of eternity seem even longer."

Some make better deals than others.

"If you purchased this guy's everlasting soul, here are some of his friends who may be willing to sell you theirs."

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

'It's been a long time since we've had anyone in for sloth.'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

Nobody suspects it but the entrance to hell is in the building at 122c, Willow Street.

"The 'Ex' huh?"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Snow Devil

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

Protect Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Route 666

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

Justice 4 Ron

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

'Let me guess - a toastmaster?'

"Can I see that 'National Law Journal' when you're through with it?"