Desktop Publishing Specialist T-Shirts

"Dear Miss Philpott, aren't you excited to be part of a ground breaking experiment in desktop publishing?"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

Freedom of the Press

'How fast can you hype?'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"Well, Sara Kalen is wrong – Edward Snowden is not a 'tattletale.'"

Man selling lamb weekly

Best Political System Ever

"Yes, I know, Munger. But Wallace Stevens didn't scribble his damned verses on company time."

"It's finally happened. This magazine has more subscription cards than pages!"

The Truth

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

"I'll check your circulation."

'For the next sixty seconds, this station will totally freak out....'

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

"I don't know how he does it, but trust me, he will find it."

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

Man considers blogging.

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.

Man dies unnoticed in his office cubicle

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

"Now this is what I call a true work of genius. . . And I haven't even read it yet."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Not to blow my own horn, but the ad for my book in the 'Times' called it 'extraordinary'."

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."