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"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

'There's nothing on.'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

Eldrow

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"Hack back with all you've got!"

Freedom of the Press

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'How fast can you hype?'

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

The Truth

Best Political System Ever

"Well, Sara Kalen is wrong – Edward Snowden is not a 'tattletale.'"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"I'm recommending more video games. I'm worried about his hand eye coordination."

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

Exploring Healthcare Careers

"I'll check your circulation."

'For the next sixty seconds, this station will totally freak out....'

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Man considers blogging.

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

"I can't wait to post this."